Cultivateyourlife’s Weblog

Ever noticed the meaning you assign to people, their actions, their words, even the way they “look” at you? As humans, we believe that we just ‘know’ what a simple expression another person makes means. We are certain that our interpretation of the world is not only correct, it is the only one!

I offer up this question: how do we know?

The meaning we assign to all aspects of our lives is not random. In fact, it is not even a choice until we begin to consider what it means to be responsible for the experience we know as human life span. This meaning-making is a phenomenon first described by the brilliant Swiss psychiatrist and founder of the school of analytical psychology, Carl Jung. It is the phenomenon of projection. We assign meaning not based on what another person says, but upon what we choose to hear through a filter that has been in place from the moment we began to develop a personality. Jung referred to it as ego, the illusory self, who we believe ourselves to be.

“We don’t see others as they are, we see others as we are, ” (paraphrased Anais Nin.) We cause ourselves and others a great deal of pain because we are constantly making meaning, extrapalting tiny threads of a conversation and weaving them into great meaning that supports who we think we are. It’s a woulded ego thing that is fueled by our shadow selves (see Jung).

An example of this would be if we worked very hard on a project and instead of receiving the feedback we desire, as in “what a great job you did!” we are told that the project is lacking, flawed or less that perfect somehow. From a shadow-self, wounded ego perspective, what we would hear is we are lacking, flawed, imperfect. The wounded ego cannot separate itself from the world. To the wounded ego, everything is about it.

The thing to pay attention to is when this happens to us. In the above example, the idea, not the person was lacking, but the ego could not make that leap. You can see how this creates untold suffering. The rememdy to this is to practice self-awareness and observation. 

Take the time to observe what reactions you have when you or your work is criticized. Notice how  you identify with what’s wrong rather than what’s right. Notice how you willingly take create and take on negative meaning. 

The old warning that instructs, don’t take things so personally, is born from this same concept. Much to the ego’s dismay, everything is not about us.